Don't Drink the Tea. Think With the WE.

Capitalism Presents… “Pizza & Cookies”

What defines a pizza?

Is it the shape? Is it the texture? Is it the way that it cooks?

No, it can’t be any of those. Pizza has so many things in common with so many other foods — cookies, FOR EXAMPLE — that defining it is a bit of a challenge.

In light of this murky understanding, we’re inclined to give Digiorno’s a free pass on their new Pizza & Cookies product, the TV ad for which began to air this week:

We weren’t around in January when blogs such as The Consumerist, as well as mainstream Internet outlets like The Huffington Post, weighed in on this unlikely combination of round, soft, warm and squishy baked goods. The Consumerist wrote that “your coronary embolism is their corporate synergy,” highlighting the fact that Nestle recently purchased DiGiorno from Kraft.

The $3.7 billion acquisition was announced January 5th. Nestle had this to say about it:

“This frozen pizza business provides a new strategic pillar to Nestle’s frozen food portfolio in the U.S. and Canada, where the company has already established a leadership in prepared dishes and hand-held product categories.”

Of all the similarities between pizza and cookies, I’d say the fact that they are both “hand-held” is the most striking.

Cookie market aside, Nestle’s acquisition of Kraft’s parlor of pizza products has the industry one contract closer to outright monopoly! Reuters reported that Tombstone, California Pizza Kitchen, Jack’s and Dessilio’s now all fall under Nestle’s faux italian roof.

True to form, Nestle did not use chocolate and elbow grease to land their tollhouse treasures in a box next to one of your local grocer’s most sought after frozen meat lover’s pies. Rather, according to Reuters, cash-rich Nestle had just “sold a further 52 percent stake in eye care group Alcon to Novartis for $28.1 billion.”

So much for my “chocolate covered retinas” idea.


One Comment on “Capitalism Presents… “Pizza & Cookies””

  1. The way he says ‘awesome’ at the end makes me wanna die.

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