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Jul
2013
31

How I Spent My RNC Mandated Summer Vacation

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A new Republican National Committee memo has hit the Internet and is drawing unwanted attention. The document acts as a step-by-step guide for GOP congressmen to pretend that they care about the issues affecting the demographics they are failing to reach. There is nothing surprising about this, though it is shocking to see such a thing in great detail.

This August, the GOP wants you to know that they are “Fighting Washington for All Americans” — a message they will drive home with highly coordinated social media and PR campaigns that shift any and all blame for every and anything to the master boogeyman…Barack Obama.

Let’s take a brief look at what the GOP has planned for their collective summer vacay.

To begin, expect to see an op-ed from your local congressman that is cut and pasted from this memo. That’s how you get authenticity across!  That is, if your idea of authentic is a rock band announcing, “We love you Cleveland! Best night of tour yet!” — on day 38 of their 60-city tour the day after professing their love for Columbus and a day before letting Buffalo know that they are #1.

Here’s a piece of this broad stroke/joke op-ed:

Washington is out of control.  But every day I serve in Congress, I work to fight Washington. I’m fighting Washington to spur economic growth and create more jobs. I’m fighting Washington to hold government accountable to taxpayers. I’m working to dismantle ObamaCare and make America energy independent. I’m working to cut wasteful spending, expand educational opportunities, and rein in red tape. I’m fighting Washington or you.

As I make plans or my time at home these several weeks, I want to hear from you about how we can work together to fight Washington to stop government abuse and make sure government is making your life easier – not standing in the way.

That’s why I will be traveling throughout the district in August on my “Fighting Washington or You” tour. This tour is an opportunity to have conversations about House Republicans’ alternative plan to Washington Democrat’s overreaching, out-of-control government. It’s about our plan or economic growth and job

Hear that? Washington is out of control and Congress needs to fight back! Them Dems are being too oppressivey and progressivey and everything Congress does(n’t do) is their fault. This, despite the fact that 240 of the 431 seats in the House of Representatives are filled by the GOP.

After you read the impersonal op-ed, head on over to a constituent roundtable which will be attended by groups who your congressman believes can be told that they are being targeted by the IRS.

Then, they will be holding a meeting of healthcare providers near a hospital to scare the public about the dangers of Obamacare.  With doctors in the background of all videos shared via social media, any made up numbers will look official.  

Next comes the “meetup,” a highly-choreographed yet free-form oxymoron of a conversation.  Nothing to see here. Just some Americans shooting the breeze on behalf of Johnny Congress.  

According to the how to act like a normal ‘Merican guide, these meetups will begin by making sure those around the politician are his most loyal supporters. This way, head-nodding — regardless of the congressman’s factual accuracy or non-charisma — will be ensured:

Invite at least 3-4 people with whom the Member already has an established relationship. This will strengthen the conversation and take it in a direction that is most beneficial to the Member’s goal.

To show you’re serious about fighting Big Brother, simply follow this GOP meetup tip:

Position staff at registration tables near the entrance to help with sign-in.  Collect all information from participants, including names, addresses, phone numbers and email addresses.

In other words, help fight those you believe to be invading your privacy by securing as much personal information as possible!

Then comes the jobs round table.  This will help the candidate look like a normal Joe who just got back from the job site:

Create signs to be displayed in the camera shot that reinforce the theme of the round table.

Encourage participants to share personal stories about why the House Republican plan for economic growth and jobs helps them.

And wear a hard hat.

Later, prototypical GOP members of Congress will go to a local university where they will “take a picture outside of the stadium…wearing school colors.”

This is only the beginning.  The GOP summer vacation is jam-packed with disingenuous mind control. Just glance at the full memo to see the painstaking effort the RNC is putting in to be relatable.  Because the working man respects nothing more than a member of Congress asking preselected questions while being videotaped in front of an anti-Obama hashtag banner ad. Go Cyclones!

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