There is something to be said about the likability of your party’s Vice Presidential candidate. In the case of Paul Ryan, that something happens to be “holy crap, what a loser.”
See, Nielsen ratings show that Fox News’ own coverage of Paul Ryan’s acceptance speech came in second to a TLC reality show titled “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.”
You may now LOL.
The “Toddlers & Tiara’s” spin-off is about a self-proclaimed redneck family that feeds their daughter, Honey Boo Boo, “go-go juice” before she competes in child beauty contests. For those not in the know, “go-go juice” is her mother’s secret drink for her children. Its ingredients? Mountain Dew and Red Bull.
You may now vomitOL.
On the night of Paul Ryan’s acceptance speech, Americans were presented with two clear visions of how our society might collapse: class warfare from austerity-driven policies…or rampant childhood obesity. 2.9 million viewers picked the slow descent into eventual limb loss compared to 1.2 million who turned in to watch a guy who lies about his own marathon time.
The episode of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” that more than doubled up Ryan’s ratings was titled “A Bunch of Wedgies.” In it, the family visits a water park where, well, you know know. This bathing-suit-in-butt atrocity brought in a larger audience among the 19-49 demographic than the Ryan speech. Republicans were hoping Ryan’s addition to the ticket would be a way to sure up this exact demographic. Yet, they never counted on a large southern child capturing a generation’s attention or, in reality, for working aged adults to reject the Republican party’s candidates and ideals so roundly.
Now, the true test of American decency will be when ratings are announced for last night’s amazing Bill Clinton speech from the DNC. Then we will know if Americans are actually turned off by politics or just totally into the magical powers of soft drink cocktails.
SIDE NOTE: There is some concern that TLC may be underpaying their quart-sized star. The Hollywood Reporter reports that the family was paid just $40,000 for a 10-episode season. Does this represent some sort of philosophical wage theft we should be griping about? Or should we take solice in the fact that the average teacher in the family’s home state of Georgia (who makes $50,000/year) outearns a family willing to forgeo their privacy and morals for a little spotlight on cable TV?
SIDE NOTE II: Am I the only one who wants to see President Obama pull an empty chair on stage to have a fake conversation with Honey Boo Boo?